i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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