i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
