We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize