dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
