You're so nebulous sometimes
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
