If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
