last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
