i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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