you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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