he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
