It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
