3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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