Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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