...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
