four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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