I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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