I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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