she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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