Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
