I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
