Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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