She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
