he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Say something about gay babies.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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