imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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