He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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