looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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