he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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