ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize