While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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