oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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