there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
