All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize