forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
