So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
