what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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