U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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