Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize