I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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