yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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