am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize