We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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