How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
