If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
