i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize