There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
