Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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