Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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