Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
