Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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