i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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