that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
