xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
