My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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