So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
