Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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