dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
