hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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